I saw someone tonight, someone that I used to care a lot about and who hurt me more than most people have.
I don’t have feelings for him, not in the slightest. I don’t miss him either. I just can’t help but feel my heart sink every time I see him because I know how horribly he treated me and how much I don’t deserve that. I feel nauseous and can’t look him in the eye because of what he did. I feel like I should forgive him, and I do. I don’t harbor any resentment towards him, I just hate what he did to me. I didn’t deserve it.
And then I think of how happy I was with him at first, how great I thought he was, and how horribly it all turned out. I stood there and just let the memories pass by as if they never meant anything, as if he never meant anything.
It’s funny how you can walk by someone and stand there like you never knew each other. It’s funny how feelings fade and people change and how people who once mattered, don’t anymore.
except i probably deserved the treatment.
she needs some colour back in her life.
one of the most accurate quotes i believe in is “we accept the love we think we deserve”. it seems to be more of a subconcious thing though. if someone who lets themself get treated poorly time after time, even if they don’t like it, all of a sudden is faced with something better they may begin to feel they aren’t good enough for that person. until their subconcious thinks they deserve better they will continue to accept being used and/or treated poorly. this could explain why girls continue to go back to guys who are no good for them, even if they realize it and/or their friends try to drill it into their head that hes no good and it even happens to guys. the ones that know they deserve amazing treatment are the ones who are with the ones who treat them the best. it’s an unfortunate thing that the ones who may deserve the best are stuck with such poor treatment because that’s what they feel they deserve.
